This Sinking Boat
by Tineke
Summary: Written for the k b KissKiss exchange. After confronting Karofsky, Kurt is left terrified. Title from the song Falling Slowly from Once.


**A/N: Written for the KissKiss fic exchange at the kurt_blaine comm at livejournal. Beta read by blendertest at livejournal 3**

He was terrified. It definitely wasn't what Kurt had thought would happen when he'd imagined how confronting Karofsky would go. He'd been expecting to be faced with violence. Sure, he'd naively believed somebody would step in once the violence happened, but he hadn't been stupid enough to think nothing would happen. When he actually stormed into the locker room after the guy, he was too angry to really expect anything. All that anger was being funnelled through the sense of self-importance and confidence that talking to Blaine had left him with. Which, looking back, wasn't the best combination of things to be feeling. But it didn't really matter because after a blur of words Kurt felt his face being grabbed roughly between Karofsky's huge, clammy hands, and then he was being kissed by a boy for the first time. And then Kurt was too shocked to really feel anything except warm, damp palms pressing harshly into his cheeks, and lips pushing into his so hard he felt like he'd cut his mouth on his teeth. And he was too shocked to do anything. Until the guy tried to kiss him again and the shock was replaced by disgust, which filled Kurt's arms with enough strength to push him away. And then he was left alone in the locker room, and he couldn't even bring himself to care about the smell of sweat that permeated the air, or how unclean the floor he sunk down onto probably was. He couldn't think, could only stare blankly at an empty spot of air about a foot in front of him, trying to comprehend even a fraction of what had just happened. He didn't know how long he sat there but when a door at the other end of the locker room slammed he jerked, wiped under his eyes even though he was almost certain he hadn't cried, and walked out into the hall without looking to see if whoever had shut the door had noticed he was there.

His phone was still lying on the floor of the hallway; god knew how that could happen in a school like McKinley. When he picked it up the message from Blaine was still displayed on the screen. Kurt stared at in uncomprehendingly for a long time before closing it. He wasn't sure what 'courage' had brought him yet.

* * *

In the end he ran. He knew he was running. His head kept replaying Blaine, when they spoke properly for the first time, saying how much he regretted leaving. But it was intercut with Karofsky standing so close to him, looking down with that smug smile on his face, finger resting heavy on Kurt's chest. He'd realised that moment that when he'd managed to push the other boy away, it had been because Karofsky had let him. He felt sick whenever he remembered it. And Blaine did seem to understand – helping him move the things he'd brought into his new room at Dalton, showing him around. And even though things aren't as perfect and wonderful as Kurt imagined they would be at the new school, he felt safe. And he thought that he could be happy. After Sectionals he even felt like part of the Warblers, while they celebrated getting through to Regionals. Even Thad loosened up, and Wes was downright cheerful. And when Blaine walked him back to his room he held Kurt's hand.

The next day they actually talked about it. About how Kurt really shouldn't jump into a relationship, and about how Blaine wasn't going to push. Because Blaine was about as different from Karofsky as someone could get. Even down to the fact that he was shorter than Kurt. Which was probably a weird thing to get hung up on, but he honestly didn't care what people thought was weird anymore. Because there was this weird thing where, sometimes, when Blaine was close to him Kurt flashed back to the locker room. Maybe he just wasn't used to being close too guys, but it was strange and uncomfortable. But he tried to ignore it as much as he could. Through coffee dates, and dinner dates, and movies, and a million things.

Until three weeks after Sectionals, when Blaine walked Kurt back to his room after spending the evening in the library. It was late, and the hallway was empty, and when Kurt turned to say good night there was just something different. So, without quite knowing what he was doing, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Blaine's. And part of him immediately regreted it because what if it wasn't the right time? And what if Blaine didn't want to kiss him? And what if he's no better than Karofsky? Then he felt Blaine's lips curve into a smile, before the other boy pressed harder, and cupped his hands around Kurt's face. And for a moment Kurt felt happy. But only for a moment because suddenly Blaine's hands pressed a little harder into his cheeks, and he was right back in that locker room, feeling the other boys sweaty palms on his skin, and his presence so obvious and so close, and he was pushing him away and flattening himself against his door. Except it wasn't Karofsky. Karofsky was nowhere near Dalton. It was Blaine, looking shocked, and concerned, and Kurt couldn't even try to comprehend what happened yet so he took a deep breath, and turned, and unlocked his room, and went in. Which was maybe immature, and selfish, and weak, and avoiding the problem, but Kurt couldn't help feeling like Karofsky's hulking figure was in that hallway. Even though there was no way he could've been.

* * *

He knew he wouldn't be able to get away with not talking about it. Blaine cornered him the next day and told him that he'd asked his roommate to give them the room for a couple of hours. So they walked to Blaine room, and when they were there Kurt sat on the bed, and Blaine sat on his roommate's, across from him. After a long silence Kurt spoke up.

"Sorry." Blaine let a long breath out his nose, and stared at him.

"You have nothing to apologise for. I should be apologising, I pushed to fast." And then Blaine kept babbling on about how he should have known something would happen, and how it was perfectly normal for Kurt to have some issues surrounding this, and he was sorry for moving too fast, and all Kurt could think is that _he_ kissed Blaine. Not the other way around. So if anyone was pushing too fast it was him. But Blaine kept talking, eyes wide and solemn – as if he felt really bad about what had happened – and Kurt couldn't think of anything to say. He held up a hand to stop the other boy's tirade.

"Could we… Just move on? I mean obviously I'll have to deal with this but… What happened happened, right?" Blaine just looked at him for a long moment, before nodding.

"Ok." Then he got off his roommates bed, and knelt in front of Kurt for a long moment, gazing up into his eyes. "I promise I won't push for anything. And if you feel uncomfortable, please tell me." He looked so earnest that Kurt couldn't help nodding. Though he also couldn't help thinking that this development might not be for the best.

* * *

Three weeks later it was still awkward. Because things were hard to talk about, because they were still dating, technically, but Blaine was suddenly scared to hold his hand, let alone try anything further. And part of Kurt wanted to just _try_ it again, so that he could try and get past his stupid issues, but another part of him was scared that if they tried again the same thing would happen, and if he couldn't get over it Blaine would get frustrated and leave. Which was stupid, because Blaine hadn't been anything except patient and understanding. But it felt like Karofsky's finger was still resting firmly on his sternum, making it difficult to breath. So they talked about show tunes, and football, and school, and they went out on dates, but they didn't ever actually do anything. Which was frustrating, and stifling, but Kurt didn't know how to fix it.

When his dad (pushed strongly by Carole, Kurt suspects) invited Blaine to dinner, they decided to spend the whole day in Lima. And when they got to the Hudson-Hummel household after an afternoon out there was a strange car parked outside. Kurt couldn't imagine anyone his family would invite anyone extra over to dinner when they already had Blaine, except maybe Finn, but Kurt would have recognised any of Finn's friend's cars. Of course he understood as soon as he walked in the door and saw Karofsky's dad standing in the doorway to the lounge, talking to his dad. He knew before he saw that Karofsky himself would be sitting in the lounge, looking surly, and he couldn't breathe because it felt like the other boys finger was resting on his chest holding him perfectly still. As soon as Kurt moved into view his eyes fixed on him, and he felt his jaw tighten as the bigger boy stared back. He didn't hear anything that was said until a hand clapped on his shoulder, and he jumped, only to look up and see his dad looking down.

"Why don't you sit in the lounge with our guests, and me and… Blaine, isn't it? … we'll get drinks." Kurt knew he wasn't being abandoned. Everything about his dad's posture screamed that he'd be back in the lounge in a flash if anything happened. And Blaine's expression implied that if he were any less polite Burt would have to drag him from the lounge. As he passed Kurt he gripped his hand in his own tightly, just for a second, and it was the first time Blaine had initiated anything physical in what seeming like forever, and even if it's just a brief hand hold it gave Kurt enough courage to walk into the lounge and sit down – as far from Karofsky as possible.

"David came to apologise." The expression 'David' gave made it clear that it wasn't his idea, and Kurt swallowed, resolving to look at the coffee table rather than anyone else in the room. Karofsky cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry. About how I treated you at McKinley. It was wrong." Then he glared at his dad, like the guy was an asshole for making him apologise, except his eyes kept flicking furtively around the room, and Kurt got struck by this weird realisation. Because he'd been letting Karofsky have this power over him, by holding onto the kiss. But the kiss gave him power back. Because the other boy clearly didn't want anyone to know. And even without that, he was a still a teenager who got forced to do things by his parents, and lived by the rules of high school, and had no idea what he was doing. Kurt realised he'd been staring at Karofsky for several moments, and jerked, and cleared his throat, looking at the boys father.

"Could you excuse us, just for a moment?" The man looked between the two teenagers solemnly for a moment, before nodding and withdrawing from the room. Kurt looked back at Karofsky, who was scowling at his fists. "You're not actually sorry." Karofsky's glare turned on him, and Kurt marvelled at the lack of threat in it. "Wait, I'll rephrase. You're sorry for what it's done to you, not what it's done to me." Karofsky sneered.

"And what has it done to you except get you to a fancy new school where you can fuck around with a bunch of fags who are just like you?" Kurt smiled blandly.

"You're lucky my dad didn't hear that, it's kind of a soap box for him." Karofsky leaned back into the couch and stared out into the hall, and Kurt couldn't help snorting. "God, I can't believe I was ever scared of you. You have more issues than a newspaper." The other boy looked like he'd like nothing better than to pummel Kurt, but he was bound by the fact that he was sitting in the Hummel-Hudson lounge, in a house where everyone would rush to Kurt's aid. And Kurt wasn't scared anymore.

"Like you can talk about issues." His voice was dismissive, but he refused to look in Kurt's direction.

"Well, lets not pretend that some of our issues aren't the same." Karofsky was scowling at the floor, and Kurt rolled his eyes and stood up. "I don't accept your apology. But I doubt you care." And then, without caring how rude it is, he walked out. Karofsky's dad was a few feet down the hall, outside the kitchen, having an apparently awkward conversation with Blaine, who was standing in the doorway. He looked at Kurt, and Kurt smiled politely. "Thank you for coming, I think we've worked out some of our differences." Even if it's a blatant lie, the older man seems to look satisfied, and he and his son disappear a few minutes later. "Dad, am I allowed to steal Blaine? We'll be in my room." Burt nodded, and Kurt grabed Blaine's hand and dragged him towards his bedroom.

"Door open!" Burt called gruffly after them, and Kurt grinned.

When they got to Kurt's room he didn't care that the door was open, or that someone from his family could walk past at any moment, he just turned around, said "I'm not scared anymore," and kissed Blaine smack on the lips. Blaine stiffened, hands flying to Kurt's shoulders, and pulled away, eyes wide.

"Are you sure? I mean you aren't doing this just because you think I want to, are you?" Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure, Blaine." He leaned in again, only to be stopped by Blaine speaking again.

"Are you sure? Because I can wait-" Kurt pressed a finger to Blaine's lips, and he stopped talking.

"Blaine. I am fine. I am also trying to make out with you. If you aren't comfortable with that please tell me, and I'll stop." He took his finger away, and Blaine blinked at him, eyes wide for several moments.

"I'm comfortable with that. If you are! I mean-" Kurt rolled his eyes and decided to try silencing the other boy with his lips. Which worked quite a lot better than his previous attempts.


End file.
